Because You Love Me

I’ve had this older song running through my head almost every morning.  It’s not a Christian song, as a matter of fact it was a major hit for Celine Dion a couple of years ago and I don’t even have the song on any of my playlists, yet every morning I find myself singing the song in my head as a praise to God.  If you haven’t guessed the song yet it is “Because You Loved Me”.

As stated earlier, it was recorded by Celine Dion and used in the movie “Up Close and Personal” which I can’t say that I have seen.  Because I only knew certain words to the song, I looked it up and found it was written by Diane Warren as a tribute to her father.  That seems fitting to me as it is a song I am now singing daily to my heavenly father.  I will include the song at the bottom of the post for those who may have never heard it.

The song really touches a part of me that is forever grateful that God has never given up on me.  He has been my strength, when I was weak… He has always seen the best in me…Why?  Because he loves me!  I have in my mind changed the lyrics to read “Because you Love me”  Not loved but love!  I don’t know for sure but I imagine when Diane Warren wrote the song it was out of a grateful heart for all that her father had done for her.  To me the song says that and so much more.  Not one time has God ever thrown his hands in the air and walked away, Not once has he left me wallowing in my shame, not once has he given up on his plans for me.  I am not where I need to be but because God loves me, I am where I am.  I can sing this song every minute of the day and it will still never convey the gratitude I feel that He stands by me, he gives me strength to stand tall.  He has faith in me, because he is working in my life.  When my faith is low, he gives me reasons to trust.  For everything I am and everything I will ever be, I am forever grateful…Because You Love Me!

I hope you too, when you listen to the song can also sing it as a song of love and gratitude to a Father who is there whenever we need, who gives us strength and never gives up on us.

Because You Loved Me – Celine Dion

Bees

I don’t like bees!  I don’t care if they are wasps, hornets, sugar bees, honey bees, queen bees or my all time least favorite the Yellow Jacket.  I DON”T LIKE BEES!

So of course that leads one to question why I would write a blog post titled “Bees”!  I believe that God uses ordinary things to teach us and in my case, my lesson from the last few days involves bees.

Let me start with the fact that I hired a guy to mow my lawn and for four weeks, he didn’t show up.  Normally I would just go find someone else to mow the lawn and be done with it.  This time for some reason I didn’t.   Of course during this time it has rained at least every other day and my lawn has grown to say the least.   Finally I get a hold of said lawn guy and ask him if he plans to come back.  He agrees and we set the date for yesterday.  Said guy shows up to cut the lawn and makes one strip and out comes the bees!  I mean from everywhere!  Lawn guy refuses to cut grass until I get rid of bees.

After agreeing that he couldn’t cut the grass on the chance that he would be stung a million times, I start to try to figure out just how I am to get rid of the bees.  I don’t like bees and really know next to nothing about them other than I am allergic to Yellow Jackets and that they are good for the environment.  Without knowing what kind of bees they are, I am at a loss as to what I should do.  Of course I pray, I mean what else do you do when you are in over your head and don’t know where or which way to turn.  And there is my lesson.

I prayed, but I didn’t leave it at that.  I worried about it and moped around “inside” the house all day yesterday.  Being that it was a holiday yesterday, I called exterminators, but didn’t get any response.  I read that I needed to go out at dusk to see if I could determine where the bees home is, but I can tell you that was never going to happen.  So needless to say, yesterday was not a good day – all because I couldn’t or wouldn’t leave it in God’s hands.

Do I think God is capable of taking care of my bee problem?  Intellectually I do, it’s that heart that is the problem.  As I was preparing for bed last night it finally hit me, I didn’t trust him to take care of the bees?  I’m still trying to puzzle out why.  Is it because it’s a bee for goodness sake and I don’t think he needs to be bothered?  Is it because I can’t figure out the how of it all?  I’d like to say I wrestled down the answer but I didn’t.  I acknowledged that I was wrong and prayed God would forgive me for my doubts, but I still can’t answer the question as to why I felt that way.

This the same God who parted the Red Sea, Who parted the Jordan, who brought down the walls of Jericho, who destroyed 185,000 soldiers overnight and finally, the same God who raised Jesus from the dead!  And yet here I am worried that he can handle a bee!

I did get in touch with an exterminator who came out today and sprayed the bushes where we think the bees were coming out of, but he found no nest. My mom walked her dog out front this morning and the bees were few and far between.  Did God get rid of the bees?  I don’t know that to be the case, but I do know I learned a lesson from them.  When I looked at the bees, I was afraid.  Of course I was afraid of being stung, but I was also afraid because this was something I had never come up against.  Normally my husband handles this type of thing, but with him being out-of-town, it was up to me.  At least that was my thought.

If I acknowledge that God is the creator of the world, and that there is nothing that he can’t do, then why was it such a struggle for me when it came to the bees?  Possibly because as an independent person, it seemed to me that I need not bother him with the small stuff when I can just handle it myself.  The really eye opener for me is that yes I might be able to handle it, but he wants me to bring it to him anyway.

It’s not a lesson that I am proud of, but one I needed to know.  Nothing is too big for God, but again nothing is too small either.  The point isn’t how big or little the problem is, but where do we turn when we have one.  I don’t need to try a out how God will deal with a problem, that’s up to him, I need to just present it to him and trust that he will guide me through it.

I still don’t care for bees, but today I am thankful for the bee, and even more thankful for the lesson.  Nothing in my life is off limits to God.  He wants to be a part of it all.  He wants my problems, my fears, my doubts, every part of me!  Thank you God for the bees!

Faith of a Child

Have you ever heard this?  Are you like me and just wondered what exactly does it mean?

When I think of children, what pops into my head first is innocence.  Obviously we can’t go back as adults to being innocent.  Life tends to throw too much at us.  But what if we could recapture that same childlike attitude when it comes to our relationship with God?

Babies are 100 percent dependent on their parents.  Babies don’t worry about their next meal, they don’t worry about whether someone will be there to feed them and change them.  Good parents do all of these and more for their babies.  I think God wants us to be just that dependent on him.  In  Matthew 6:25    Jesus tells us that we are not to worry, and I think it’s because he knows that worry is a weapon used by the enemy a lot.  Stop for a minute and think of what worry really is…. Doubt!!!  Worrying about something is plainly telling God that you either don’t think he can handle it, provide it or even worse putting yourself in a position over God, thinking that you need to take care of it.

Sounds simple in theory, but for me, it is much easier said than done.  It’s hard to be dependent.  In my life I have found that when I become too independent, God places me in a situation where I don’t have a choice.  I’d like to be dependent because I want to be obedient, not because I don’t have any other choice.

When my children were little, I was everything to them.  I have to admit it’s a scary and awesome feeling.  They were attached to my hip.  They wanted to be involved in everything I was, they wanted my attention, my affection and they were just filled with love.  God is our Heavenly Father and unlike me, he is never scared and as a human parent, I grew tired and sometimes just needed time for me.  That’s not the picture I think of when I think of God.  He listens to every word, he wants me to involve him in everything.  I am his child and he adores me.

When they get a little older, they start to stand on their own.  They grow independent and start making their own decisions.  When those decisions and choices they make were in line with my rules and morals, I was such a proud parent.  And when they messed up – as we all do, they were disciplined.  Does God treat me any different?  As a child myself, I was always looking for my parents approval.  That “Well done” or “great job” meant the world to me.  I so want to hear that from my Heavenly Father.

Teenage years are the hardest in my opinion because by their very nature they are self centered for the most part.  They are focused on who they want to be, and as a parent, you watch them struggle with identity, puberty and peers which can all be frustrating. Teenagers are tough, they will fight for what they believe and will take a stand for it.   I’ve often said that God gave me teenagers to show me what he feels like when I am going through that same stage, because I think as Christians we tend to follow that same path toward maturity.

If only as we mature, we would hold onto all that we learned in each stage.  If like babies, we would willingly depend on our Father to supply our needs, if we would cry out to him first, instead of being dependent on our own devices.  If like toddlers, we loved with arms wide open, if we sought to spend time in the company of our Father and seek out his affection.  If as young children we made decisions and choices that reflected the values or our Father, and finally as teenagers we stood up for what we believed and fought for it.

I think as we mature in age, it becomes harder to react the same way.  The world will teach you to be independent.  It will tell you to do things your own way, be who you want and how you want and if that isn’t enough, we also tend to look at God through a lens that is clouded by the relationships we have had whether good or bad.  I once had someone tell me that when they talked to God they imagined climbing up on his lap and just telling him their problems.  For me that was unfathomable.  My picture of God was much different and it was primarily due to authority figures in my life.  I was terrified of him, I didn’t want to get close to him, much less climb on his knee.  I spent many years doubting his love for me and just as many years running as fast and far as I could.  I was in the perpetual teen years.  I knew Jesus loved me, but my picture of God was so skewed that just the thought of being dependent on him was unthinkable.

Fortunately, God has never given up on me.  He loved me when I was the rebellious teen and loves me still.  I am a constant work in progress and each day he reveals new things to me. I can only hope sharing will help someone else as well.

 

Makeup!! When I was younger I wouldn’t leave home without my “face” on!

What in the world does makeup have to do with Jesus?  I’m glad you asked.  Why do we wear makeup?  For some it’s to hide their perceived imperfections, for others it’s a way to boost their confidence, and for some, it’s a mask to hide themselves from the world.  Why?

We are taught from a young age to put our best foot forward or in this case “face”.  I have blonde hair and as a blonde, I have lashes and eyebrows, but you would only see them if you were standing close to me or if I was sunburned.  Makeup gave me both!  Going without it wasn’t an option – or so I thought.  When I joined the Army, makeup wasn’t considered part of the uniform and lets be honest, when you get up at the crack of dawn, who has time to put on “war paint”.

Now I know you are wondering where I’m headed but I promise if you stick with me, I will tie it in.  Makeup can do wonders, it hides blemishes, it covers scars and when used properly, it accentuates our features.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to put your best face forward, but the awkward truth is that makeup comes off.  If you are like me, about midday, what I so carefully put on in the early morning, is now laying in the creases of my aging face, or has slid off with the oil my face so generously produces.  So where does that leave me?  If my face being “perfectly made up” is my end goal, then I am left without defense against the seasonal elements and the opinions of others. No matter how ready I feel to face the world when I leave in the morning, war paint on, by mid -day, I am left with a shiny face and a battered ego.

This morning as I was putting my makeup on, I wondered why I spent a good part of my morning getting “pretty’!  I’m not sure if it’s vanity or habit at this point, that keeps me following my routine, but whatever it is, it’s essentially worthless.  My husband and children have seen me without makeup and they love me, still I hold onto it because I feel like it helps me face my day.

Today was a rough day, I felt like I was doing battle all day with the enemy.  When you feel like you have conquered one battle, just know that the enemy knows us very well and he uses our insecurities against us.  I spent a good part of my day talking to God and laying at his feet my concerns and then struggling to leave them there.  I say struggling because the enemy kept whispering in my ear all the old doubts and fears, that for years have had me crumbling into a mess.

So what does my bad day have to do with makeup?  Well as any soldier will tell you, when you go into battle you have your gear.  And just as I put makeup on every morning, I also have other gear I need to put on.  I’m talking about the “Armor of God”.

Click Here to read Ephesians 6: 10-20

Am I as diligent with putting on the armor as I am putting on my makeup?  I’d like to say that I am, but honestly I know that it isn’t true.  Having read the bible many time, I obviously knew about it but to be honest just like when I was in the Army, I didn’t want to mess with it.  And just like my makeup wearing off mid day, my time with God in the morning wasn’t seeing me through the attacks I was under.  As I type this it sounds as if I am saying God isn’t with me and that couldn’t be further from the truth.  God is with me every minute of every day and he has given me all the tools that I need to fight the enemy, but just like the tools I need to put my makeup on, if I don’t pick them up and use them, they aren’t doing me any good.

For the best explanation of putting on the Armor of God click here

I may leave my house without makeup, but after today, I intend to put on God’s Armor every morning.

I need his truth to combat the lies told by the enemy.

I need his breastplate of righteousness to guard my heart.

I need his shoes on my feet so that I am at peace with his will and ready to move when he tells me to.

I need his shield of faith to protect me from the arrows of the enemy.

I need his helmet of salvation to protect my mind from the lies of the enemy.

I need his sword of the spirit, which is his word to refute lies with the truth of his word.

And finally prayer – I need to be able to communicate with the Supreme Commander.

As I put on my makeup every morning, I am going to associate something in my kit with the above and as I put on the makeup, I will also be putting on the Armor.   And just as my makeup prepares me to face my day, my armor prepares me to face my battle.  And unlike my makeup that fades away, Gods Armor never will.

 

 

 

Circumstances

This morning during my quiet time I was reading 2Kings 18, which is the account of King Hezekiah.  To read this account Click Here.

I love that in the biblical account, the passage refers to Hezekiah in vs 5- 6 as “Hezekiah trusted the Lord God of Israel.  No other king of Judah was like Hezekiah, either before or after him. He was completely faithful to the Lord and obeyed the laws the Lord had given to Moses for the people.”

There is much we can learn from Hezekiah, but one of my favorite stories is when the Assyrian general surrounds Jerusalem and is speaking to the city.  He goes on and on about all that the Assyrians have done, the kingdoms they have crushed and how Jerusalem doesn’t stand a chance against their vast army.  He mocks Hezekiah, and talking to the people of the city tries to incite a rebellion of the people.  His claims hold truth as he mocks the gods of other kingdoms and how they didn’t stand a chance against the might Assyrians.  As a matter of record, you can be sure that those in the city knew what could happen to them as just a few years earlier this same army had surrounded Samaria (the capital of Israels northern tribes).  For three years they laid siege against the city before it fell and the northern tribes were sent into captivity.

Imagine standing on the walls that surrounded the city and listening to this general of an army that strikes fear in the hearts of everyone.  You can see a vast army ready to do every awful thing you can imagine.  To put it into modern day lingo, imagine you are on a base in Iraq and you are surrounded by ISIS.  Imagine also that your family is with you, and the only way out of the base is through ISIS.  Imagine the leader of ISIS telling you all that he will do if you don’t surrender.  Pretty grim huh?  Imagine you are the leader on this base and your decision during this time will determine the fate of all under your care.  What would you do?

Hezekiah sought God.  He sent for the prophet Isaiah who informed him that the Lord had said not to worry about the Assyrian king because he would leave.  As he left, he sent a letter to Hezekiah warning him that he wasn’t safe and that he couldn’t trust his God to save him.  Hezekiah took it to the temple and he prayed.  Gods response in the latter part of 19 is awesome!  185,000 Assyrian soldiers died in one night!  Can you just imagine waking up the next morning and looking out over the wall of the city and seeing dead bodies everywhere?

The bible doesn’t elaborate on what caused the deaths of the soldiers, just that they were dead and the king of Assyria left and never returned.

I love this story for multiple reasons, I love to see the bad guys get what’s coming to them, but even more for the awesome reminder that no matter what our circumstances look like, God can overcome them.  I am sure Hezekiah wondered about how God would accomplish his promises, but I’m equally sure that he never thought up how God would do it.

It’s unlikely I will ever be in the exact same type of situation, but we can all relate to Hezekiah in that sometimes when our circumstances are grim, and we hear the voice of the enemy taunting us.  I know that at times I look at my situation and no amount of imagination will allow me to see how God will take care of it.  I know that unlike Hezekiah, I sometimes get bogged down and even allow the enemy to create doubt in my mind.  And sometimes it is a struggle to keep my eyes focused on God.  It’s the lies from the enemy that tell me that God doesn’t love me, he doesn’t care about the situation I am in.  But it’s all lies and if I focus on my circumstance, I will doubt, I will waver, I will question God’s love.  It’s time like these that I need to take it to God.

 

 

 

 

 

Knowledge vs Knowing

I love to read!  I have my interests such as mystery novels and crime novels, but my desire to read these types of books stems not from my search for knowledge. I pick up tidbits that are interesting and might be useful if I decide to write a book or become a detective but this “knowledge” is essentially useless to me in my pursuit of every day life.

Today as I was reading my bible, God revealed to me that my pursuit of the bible and reading devotionals should not be for knowledge only.

The bible is undeniably the greatest book ever written. Those of who are followers of Jesus think of the Bible as the divine inspired word of God.  We believe that it is essentially a letter from God to us, given to guide, teach and instruct.

I have read the bible many times because I believed that it was what a “Christian” was supposed to do.  I could recall passages and could discuss the bible and could even ace those bible quizzes on Facebook.  In short I had an outstanding knowledge of the bible.

Whatever my motivation in the beginning, it is this same Bible that has drawn me into “knowing” God.  His word doesn’t return void and in me that means that in my pursuit of knowledge, God was pursuing me!  Let that sink in for a moment!  Pursuing me!  And he sings over me too!  And if that isn’t enough, he paid my debt and sent his son to die on the cross for me.

I really struggled with that knowledge.  Here is this God who I’ve been either afraid of or angry at for most of my life.  I grew up hearing the old refrain “turn or burn” and “hell fire and damnation” sermons and to be honest, I considered becoming a Christian as a “fire insurance”.  I walked away from my faith because I believed the lies of the enemy.  “If God loved me…” I think if we are all honest, we can probably insert something into the end of that sentence.  And now I am reading that this God pursues me and sings over me?

I never at any time doubted that Jesus loved me (I was too young to understand the trinity), I mean how could I?  But God?  God Loves Me?   It wasn’t until I had children that I wondered back into church.  I had it in my head that even if God was done with me, maybe he wouldn’t feel that way about my children.  I listened at the services, I read my bible, but I didn’t “know” God, I only had knowledge of him.  My breakthrough came when my son had a medical emergency at 18 months.  I remember crying out to God and begging him to spare my son.  I distinctly remember after we brought my son home, how I prayed and was just thanking God that it really hit me.  During one of my impassioned pleas for God to spare my child, I offered to take his place.  It was at that moment that it clicked for me.  God really does love me.  I would give my life for someone that I loved, but NEVER would I have even contemplated giving my sons life!

It was after this that I read my bible with renewed purpose.  I no longer wanted knowledge of God, I wanted to know God.  I wanted to be his friend.  I wanted to be a “man” after his own heart.  I wanted the relationships I read in the bible.  My motivation for reading Gods word changed.  And as my relationship has progressed, I’ve found that knowledge is great, but not what I need.  I need more.  I found that knowledge in and of itself is great, but useless if not applied.  What good does it do me to know of God but not know him.  So today when I pick up my bible, I will gain knowledge but when I apply that to my life it draws me closer into relationship with God.

I pray that you too will find not settle for knowledge but will strive for knowing!

Psalm 23:6  “Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord as long as I live.”

 

 

 

Why Me? Why Now?

I’ve had this site for a couple of months and after arguing with God and procrastinating, I am ready to give this a go.

I don’t know what the plan for this site is yet as it’s really a work in progress and a definite leap of faith.  I named it Coffee with Jesus because that is how I like to start my day.  Anyone who knows me, also knows that without either my time spent with Jesus and my coffee, I am basically unfit to be around.  That being said, I am not sure what my original intent was other than a place to ask my questions and hopefully flesh out my thoughts.

I’ve had an ongoing conversation with God about why me?  I’m not a writer, and as my college professor put it, I tend to write the way I speak – all over the place. The firm belief that God has a reason for everything, and the desire to be obedient, has lead me to here.

Why Me?  Still don’t have an answer for that question.  Why Now?  Because I finally decided to quit fighting and start on this journey with God – where ever it may lead.